Day 37: Gratitude for an Empty Mind

I sat at the keyboard twice already today and thought “I am grateful for…” But nothing came to me, there are many possibilities but my mind was blank. This third time I sit and smile. My mind is blank and it feels good. My mind usually feels like it is full of squirrels or it’s a beehive, swarming with ideas. But a peaceful mind has evaded me for most of my life. Sure I had another half-night. I fell asleep early at eight and woke after midnight, that’s just two hours shy of my usual six hours of sleep. I didn’t feel tired until about the time I would normally get up. My body feels tired and I’d love to sleep but I rarely am able to sleep during the day.
Today, I watch the animals at the feeders, I saw several deer in the driveway and the dogs are busy napping. And my mind is at peace. I am a walking cliché today. I am going with the flow, taking it easy, breathing. Where ever my eyes rest, they are satisfied to look, at the leaves on the boxwood, the intense colors on the crystal in my window and even my fingers on my keyboard. I am in the moment and grateful.

The air smells clean and crisp, like an apple. I hear layers of sounds near me in the room, in the house and even outside I hear a train miles away. My skin feels the hard floor under my feet, the fleece of my shirt, the cold air on my face. I can taste the vitamins I took a few minutes ago. I can focus on each sense or be washed by all; but none trigger further thought.

I am enjoying this, I usually fall asleep when I try to meditate or to be in the moment. So, this feels like an accomplishment. I’m going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts. It’s a nice feeling to find yourself smiling without making a specific effort to be happy.